


Choices

by StarTrekkin08



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Choices, Cuddling & Snuggling, Difficult Decisions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e10 Counterpoint, Episode: s05e11 Latent Image, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24765100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08
Summary: Kathryn struggles with choices she's made.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Kudos: 50





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This immediately follows the last scene in episode, "Latent Image," which followed the episode, "Counterpoint."

She laid down in silence but her mind roared in thought. A little over two weeks ago, the Doctor had uncovered the cover-up of a completely human reaction that occurred in his programming. A human reaction. He was wildly conflicted on the nature of rapid life-saving choices. Kathryn had been through that more times that she could count. One of the first times she had lost everything, or felt like she lost everything over fifteen years ago. She could have told him it gets easier but that would have been a lie.

She had put up a solid wall to remind the Doctor of his programming requirement to be objective. However, even her sympathy appeared cold. Unfeeling. Unhuman. The truth was, she would have thought the Doctor might have been relieved to be spared of those...emotions.

It was a fresh reminder of her own reflections in that void a few months ago. The cyclic ruminations of her decision that led Voyager into the Delta Quadrant. It was a similar situation: save the future Ocampa or save Voyager?

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Those were the words Ambassador Spock had etched in history.

To be honest, she wasn't completely over her depression in the Void. It was just mostly subsided until the Doctor's crisis. Later, the sympathy later changed into empathy. An unhealthy form of empathy.

She laid on the sofa, curled up in a blanket, with her face planted against its back. A few pillows cushioned her head as she faded in and out.

The door chimed and she called, "Come," without moving or looking at who entered. Kathryn heard the footsteps approach behind her back and she felt a hand across her forehead. She could feel the heat transfer to the hand as she fluttered her eyes.

"You really do have a fever," the familiar voice said.

She didn't acknowledge it.

A moment later a cool cloth was placed in her forehead.

"Did you sleep?" Chakotay asked her.

"No, I couldn't," she mumbled, "... I don't remember. Maybe I micro napped, I'm not sure.'

"I know just the thing to help you sleep," he said and he left her side.

He ordered something from the replicator and came back.

Chakotay placed a hand on her arm, suggesting that she face away from the couch. She shifted onto her back and sat up against the arm of the couch while she held the compress in place.

He handed her a cup and ordered, "Drink."

She looked down and complied. It tasted like a mix of milk, honey, chestnut, cinnamon, and a few other ingredients.

Chakotay picked up the book that must have slipped from her hands onto the ground earlier and set it on the table.

"Drink it all," he urged.

She didn't have to be told to. It was delicious.

"The Doctor also asked Tom to prepare a hypospray for the fever and aches. When he knew I was coming over, he passed it to me to administer it." He took a hypospray from the table.

She nodded and he pressed it on her neck.

"Come on, let's get you to bed."

She sat up and dipped her head forward. Before she knew it, she felt his arms carry her and felt her head press against his chest. Kathryn felt heavy and limp in his arms. He floated her down onto her bed and placed a blanket over her. Chakotay brushed the peak of her forehead with his thumb and landed kiss on it.

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he said.

He turned around and she said, "Chakotay?"

He turned back around. "Yes?"

"Am I a bad person? Am I cold? Uncaring?"

He face furrowed and said, "Why would you say that?"

"The choices I've made."

Chakotay walked back and sat on the edge next to her.

"I think if you truly were, you wouldn't have asked. Why? Do you think you are?"

"I mean, with the Void... and the Doctor...I hid away during the Void when the crew needed me, and I was so adamant that the Doctor have his recent memories erased... again."

Chakotay said, "You were depressed...it was natural for you to shut the crew out. With the Doctor, well, we all saw how he unraveled. It was the clear solution. Everyone in this ship agreed to keep it a secret. Every single crewman. What we did was for the safety of the crew as well as medical care of our crew. But then we realized that he was suffering, too, in a similar way to how we would. Now, he's getting support from the entire crew while he processes. We have set an example that he can overcome it...even though we can't switch off our emotions."

"I'm sorry," she said, "I've been selfish."

"Selfish?"

"With the crew...the Doctor...and with Kashyk...I...I shouldn't have. I don't know what came over me. "

He furrowed his eyesand said, "Kathryn, you're not making any sense. We can talk about this-"

"No. I kissed him."

He caught a breath and let it wash over. He didn't expect that.

He breathed out and said, "He was a master manipulator. We knew that."

She started, "But-"

Chakotay asked, "Did he kiss you first?"

"Yes...but..." she said.

"... you kissed back," he finished.

Kathryn nodded with tears in her eyes and looked away.

"He was still a manipulator. An excellent one. He tried to use you. Just like Seska did with me."

That gave her little comfort.

"We beat both of them. We planned for Kashyk's deception."

She didn't say anything.

"Kathryn," he said softly, "Look at me."

She slowly moved her head back and lifted her eyes. He placed a hand on her cheek and stroked his thumb on it.

"It's all right."

The touch made her eyes flutter but so did the medication and drink she just had.

"I'll let you sleep. We can't have a sick captain," he said with a soft smile and stood up from the bed.

"Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Can you stay awhile? Would you mind...can you...hold me until I go to sleep?"

He nodded and said, "Scoot over."

She moved and flipped onto her side. He lifted the corner of blanket and slid in, placing an arm around her.

Kathryn made the choice to let him in.

Chakotay had choices, too. He chose to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 6/9/2020 and 6/16/2020.
> 
> I don't own rights to Voyager.


End file.
